November 27, 2012

It has been exactly two weeks since mom went Home to be with the Lord.

Somethings I recollect of her final days with us:

-Mom never took pain killers. What a trooper. She would say she feels a little bit of pain on her back...on her spinal chord to be more exact...because there was a tumor growing near or on her spinal chord and it was pressing against her spine and nerves. Whenever I asked mom about her pain level on a scale of 0-10, she would always answer 4. Until about three weeks shy of her passing, she changed her answer to a 4 or 5.

-Two falling instances:
       Once I was helping her walk out of Becca's room after taking a shower. We didn't turn on the lights because Becca was sleeping already. I led her in the dark and there were piles of clothes, some boxes, bags here and there. Mom tripped on one of the bags, lost her balance, grabbed onto me but I couldn't hold her up so we both fell. :/ Scariest fall of my life because I was worried she might have broken something because she was already beginning to become frail.      
        Second fall was on a Saturday in October, I was about to leave for praise practice, but I asked Mom if she wanted me to change her diaper. By this time, it was more difficult for mom to get up out of bed. But there was too much in her diaper to change her on her bed. So I convinced her to walk to the bathroom with her walker. I was following right behind her with Joe. Right before we got to the washing-machine-area, where the carpet met the tiles, Joe had to go to the kitchen. So it was just me and mom for just under 20-feet. Once she got onto the tiles, the walker led way too fast in front of her, so she lost her balance, I tried to grab her but it was too late. Luckily, there was a pile of some unwashed clothes that caught her fall. The second most terrifying fall of my life. I was so scared that she had broken her hip bone or something. But she didn't. It took all of us a good 30-minutes to get mom back up. Unfortunately, it would take more than Joe's and my combined strength to get mom back up. Complained that she was cold because she was lying down on tiles. Finally, she crawled to the toilet. Rested. Propped herself on her knees with her arms around the toilet bowl. Rested. Got one leg up and her body slightly up with her arms straightened out holding her upper body up. Rested. Finally, she was up holding herself up hovered over the bathroom sink. Rested. Then, I finally sat her down on the toilet. Collected some slightly-hotter-than-warm water to rinse her rear in a silver bowl. Helped her get back up off the toilet. Dried her off with a towel. Put a new diaper on. Rested. Assisted her back to her walker. Followed her to her bed, this time all the way to the bed with Joe. Once she reached her bed, she quickly abandoned her walker, reached out to the bed with her left arm and lifted as much of her body onto the bed as she could with her stomach and face face-down. I had to get her leg up for her because she didn't have enough strength to bring her leg up herself. Finally, she was cleaned...and tired. Poor mom. I was over an hour late for praise practice, but clearly, that was the least of my worries that morning.


Things I miss about mom today:
-Free alterations whenever I need them. Mom was seriously "the best at what she did", alterations (along with few other things). I cleaned my room for the first time in a while. I found 2 pairs of work-pants that need some alterations done. I also bought 2 pairs of pants at H&M that also need to be hemmed up. Now that mom isn't here, I have to either alter them myself  or take them to get them done...only now, I have to pay.